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On Dating: There are Plenty more Fish in the Sea, but How to Fish? (1 of 2)

Updated: Oct 13, 2018





"There are plenty more fish in the sea," as people say. But where to find them and how to get them?


I can suggest a how-to on fishing.


So having reflected on the times I was single, I've come up with a memorable approach acronym, that's clear to follow and builds on itself.


Going with the sea and fish analogy it's called SEA (where better to find fish?), and there are two waves (yeah, I can't get enough of the sea theme):


WAVE ONE:


The beginning is cold contact. I say cold because (the sea's generally cold and) it's unlikely that you've got any rapport with this person, especially if you haven't met them before.


You've found an excellent place to fish. Bait's gone into the water. It's cold, and you're cold. Like any exercise, we need to warm up.


Here comes the first wave, be ready:


Stress


The first time you approach a person you admire it's normal, even healthy, to be stressed. But what's worse is feeling stressed about being stressed. Approach anxiety can stop you from approaching at all. So how to deal with this approach anxiety? Acknowledge how you feel, accept it and approach anyway. The key is not to feel stressed about being stressed. Stress if it's not panic, is a healthy sign that you're heading out of your comfort zone and into the stretch zone.

Eye Contact


So you've reckoned with your racing heart and anxious thoughts. You'll now find yourself face to face with this person. What's next? Well, don't forget to look at them! Get face to face. It builds connection and shows interest and confidence. Initially don't stare yet don't look away first. And then relax. Plenty of eye contact builds rapport. If you look down or elsewhere (or anywhere but at their eyes), they'll take it as an awkward, half-hearted effort and then ignore you.


Authenticity


Now that you're face to face be yourself, they're probably wondering "who are you? And who am I to you? And what next?" So be honest. Use an opener that's natural not necessarily rehearsed because you're likely to trip over your words. Just go through those questions in your head.


I hope you enjoyed this post, let me know if you've implemented it, and I'll be back with part two soon!


As always keep fishing,

Oli

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