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On Dating: There are Plenty More Fish in the Sea, but How to Fish? (2 of 2)

Updated: Oct 13, 2018




So you're riding the first wave feeling the thrill, keeping your eye on the sea and finding your feet. Well done, you two are hopefully talking! If not, check out part one of this post here.


So what can we expect from the next big wave, what do we talk about, how do we communicate and keep things interesting?


I've made it memorable like last time with the SEA acronym.


Let's recap WAVE ONE


Stress

Eye Contact

Authentic


So you're ready to ride WAVE TWO...


Small Talk


Start with it and then get past it. It can break the ice; however, it soon becomes boring and trivial.


I don't know about you, but I think small talk is possible with pretty much anyone, i.e. the weather is typical small talk. This is different you're not approaching anyone, you're approaching something you're more than curious about with the hope that'll they'll be interested in you.


Small talk, for the most part, isn't impressive. It's like throwing your tackle in the water, and it just floats to the top. If you want to dive deep and get the sexier fish you've to get past the small talk and cast deeper and further. And you do that through:


Emotional Leverage


Talk to them on an emotional level. Ask them what they get up to in the week and what they do for fun. Then make the connection between the two, asking them how often they get time to have fun. Maybe they don't get enough time, ask then why not, perhaps you'll encourage them to make time. If it's something you like the sound of, it might be something you could both plan a date around.


Be interested while simultaneously being interesting. However, you can't ask questions all the time and do all the talking because you need to...


Actively Listen


This is an impressive skill. There are levels of listening too. Different coaches have different approaches to the standards of listening. I learnt a few and what they all boil down to are two levels:


Level 1: Internal Listening


This is mainly listening to ourselves. The focus is on you and not on them.


We're thinking about what we want to say and about when we can get the opportunity to speak it (and often interrupting, which can be rude).

Internal listening also happens when we can't concentrate on what they're saying, only on what we're feeling. This is normal when you're super attracted to this person, and all you can think about is their good looks, i.e. OMG he's so hot, I can't breathe (and nothing else).


Instead of internally listening we could do better if we were.


Levels 2: Actively Listening


This means listening to what they're saying. Its focus is on them and not you. Why? It's called a conversation. It's two way. You're relating. I find it makes things flow. Back and forth. You're more in tune.


If you think of a conversation as if you're walking with someone. When you internally listen you're walking the way you want to walk (often ahead of the other person) without regard for them. Whereas active listening is mutual if you're both actively listening, you walk together side by side.


Why not, try it?

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